bpo-30014: make poll-like selector's modify() method faster (#1030)

* #30014: make selectors.DefaultSelector.modify() faster by relying on selector's modify() method instead of un/register()ing the fd

* #30014: add unit test

* speedup poll/epoll/devpoll modify() method by using internal modify() call

* update doc

* address PR comments

* update NEWS entries

* use != instead of 'is not'